My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
