Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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