I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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