your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
be right there i have to get my cape
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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