If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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