In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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