well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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