Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
