I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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