he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
