I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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