drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
