I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
