Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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