porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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