Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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