areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
