We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
