She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
