am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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