I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
