I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
