Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
