i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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