Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
