Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
