you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
