Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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