she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
