i will never coherently bang her
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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