forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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