i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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