Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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