And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
