he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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