Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
