As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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