I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
