Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it because I queefed?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
