I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize