I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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