MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
