I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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