I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
