New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He passed out mid-signature
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
