Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
