Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
