We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
