i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
