My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
