Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
