I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
