I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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