ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
