would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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