I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
