at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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