last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
