They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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