Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
be right there i have to get my cape
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
