Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
