i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
