I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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