Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
