Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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