Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
