it's too hot outside to masturbate.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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