Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
