I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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