i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
