I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
