it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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