He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
